Amnesia 2
by Janine1
Summary: The sequal to Amnesia. What Happens to Olivia (and the rest of the crew) after she runs away from her court hearing? All is not solved yet. (I did end on a rather romantic cliffhanger...)
1. Chapter 1

I was planning on posting this a long time ago, but by Beta reader never got back to me. Since it wasn't edited by anyone, I'll bet there are some grammatical mistakes and such, so please forgive them.  
  
Hello there. After just recently finishing Amnesia, I decided it was worth another go. I left it on quite a cliffhanger, and I believe it has more potential. I am mostly writing it for my own sake, though. Hey, it's fun! I hope whoever is reading this enjoys it. All reviews welcome, appreciated... please don't make me beg!  
  
The Characters belong to Grant Naylor, as I know you could have imagined. All except for Olivia and the various ones I could possibly make up. Anyway, I brought Rimmer's character development in a direction Grant Naylor probably wouldn't have, but I am trying to stay realistic... trying...  
  
Lets see.. Who to dedicate it to... Danica for inspiring me to write more (somewhat against my will, but oh well)  
  
Rimmer was in a romantic trance that couldn't be broken. Just hours previously they had shared the single most passionate kiss he had ever experienced in his life. He has kissed a small few woman in his lifetime, but it took the incredibly intense, and occasionally painful, feelings that he had for Olivia to really make him feel something. It seemed to make everything feel better. Everything he had to endure in the past several weeks, It had all been worth it.  
  
Olivia had soon been brought back to reality after her magical experience. She had decided to stay. Stay in this reality. Endure all it threw at her. She had made an agreement for him that she wouldn't try to escape, and she would be brave enough to face what was happening. That wasn't what he had said to her, or even what he was implying, but that was how she had interpreted it.  
  
She had just fled a court hearing. It all came flooding back to her, washing over her passion and smothering it in the dirt as if it were a small flame. Even so, she felt bravery. Perhaps not enough to go back in there and tell the group of strangers everything that had happened to her, but at least enough to take it all in mentally. This certainly was an improvement.  
  
After Olivia and Rimmer didn't return for a long amount of time, the court hearing was called off. The small jury of officers all filed out the doors, and continued their lives, unaffected. The only decision that was made from the short, unfinished hearing, was one between Captain Hollister and the security officers. They would keep a closer eye on Todhunter and Olivia.  
  
Hours after, the captain requested to meet with Olivia. So then she once again sat in his office, alone with him, sitting uncomfortably across from him. She could once again feel the heat from his overhead lamp.  
  
"Listen, Captain. I'm sorry for running away from my hearing." She said in a worried tone. She hoped she wouldn't be in trouble for it.  
  
The captain shrugged. "Well, Ms. Angeledis, for the time being we will be keeping a closer watch on you and Officer Todhunter."  
  
She nodded.  
  
"If anything else is to happen concerning your case, please bring it to my attention. I'll let you and Rimmer off the hook this time for violating security regulations, but it better not happen again." He said in a stern manner.  
  
She nodded again. "Yes, sir." She hadn't been involved in getting the security tapes, Rimmer had done that without her permission, but she might as well take the blame for that. There was no use in blaming it on him. She was glad for his protection. He was on her side, and she didn't want to be saying anything negative about him to the captain. A small smile spread across her face, remembering what had happened previously that day.  
  
"And one last thing."  
  
His voice brought her out of her small fantasy  
  
"I've arranged for you to meet with the ship's psychiatrist a few times a week for awhile. Until he thinks your doing well enough." He reached over and handed her a small slip of paper with her schedule.  
  
She took it and stared at the small piece of paper in confusion. The ship's psychiatrist? So he really did think she was crazy. Mentally unstable. She could imagine the rest of the crew thought that, too. Everyone on this ship was so driven by success and their own careers, they didn't have the time and energy to care about her. To consider that she might possibly have had a reason behind her actions besides just insanity, but obviously that was the Psychiatrists job to determine.  
  
"Dismissed." Said the captain.  
  
She slowly got up from her chair and left the room. She looked across the same hall she had passed through previously. The door at the end on the left. The one she had just fled from. She let out a sigh and focused her attention back to the paper. She didn't like the idea of telling some stranger her feelings. It was hard for her to tell anyone her feelings. The only one who had managed to get them out of her was Rimmer. Rimmer... He would want to know how this meeting went, How she was feeling. He would question her like he always did.  
  
Just as she expected he had been waiting outside the captain's office, pacing around the drive room. Their eyes met, and he began to smile. She wasn't able to smile back. He quickly walked over to her.  
  
"So how did the meeting go?" he asked her.  
  
That was exactly the question she expected, but who could blame him? These feelings were so new to her, She had no idea how to treat them. "It went alright." she said softly, with a hint of sadness in her voice. It had become a habit for her to speak soft and in an unsure tone.  
  
"Oh..." Her lack of enthusiasm seemed to hit him hard, and wipe the smile off his face. "Well I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come to dinner with me tonight. Or maybe go to the bar..." he looked a little hopeful. Maybe he could restore her enthusiasm and make her feel better again.  
  
Olivia took a deep breath. It made her happy that he had offered, and she wanted to spend some time with him, but for some reason she just couldn't get herself to agree. She couldn't get herself to respond how she wanted to. "Oh... well... I think I just want to be alone tonight."  
  
"Oh..." Said Rimmer, his look of hopefulness vanishing.  
  
"Sorry, Rimmer." She said, unable to make eye contact with him.  
  
Before he could respond she had already turned the other direction and started to walk off.  
  
Rimmer was so confused. It was almost as if she were angry or upset with him again. He had done everything he could for her to feel safe. He had kissed her. She had kissed him back. She had allowed the kiss and felt quite content with it. Was it possible she had not felt what he had? The moment was so electric! She must have felt something, she just had to!  
  
Rimmer sat alone in his quarters later that evening. What was the use? Nothing ever worked out for him, why would this be the exception? She was the one person who could bring him so much happiness and joy with one simple smile. Or massive longing and desire with a single sigh. She didn't want to be with him. She would never be his. It was almost a law of physics. Anything that could make him happy was never obtainable.  
  
There was a soft knock at the door. Rimmer leapt from his comfortable position sprawled across his bunk and sat up. "Open!" he exclaimed.  
  
The opening of the mechanical doors brought forth a flooding of outside light, and a silhouette cast across his bunk. Her silhouette, standing in his doorway. She was wearing a navy blue T-shirt that gently hugged her small figure, and loosely fitted black shorts. Her feet were bare. He couldn't help but stare at her pale, thin legs for a moment.  
  
"Hi..." He said.  
  
Her eyes wondered the room as if she was unsure of where to focus. "Hi..." She replied.  
  
"You can come in if you want." Rimmer offered, seeing her stand awkwardly at the door.  
  
She took a few steps in the room, and the door automatically shut.  
  
"Can I get you something to drink?" He offered.  
  
She shook her head. "I just wanted to talk, I guess." She seemed uneasy, like she always was.  
  
Rimmer nodded and motioned for her to come sit on his bunk. He tried to remain comfortable around her, even though it was proving to be a challenge. Seeing her like this yet again caused a lot of pain for him. She was still uneasy around him, even after everything they had been through. Was he ever going to win her over?  
  
Olivia followed his gesture and sat, looking up at him, their eyes meeting. "Listen, Rimmer..." She began, unsure of what to say next, it did seem like she had come with something on her mind, just no way of saying it aloud. Without a plan of what to say, she began to speak. "Even with all you did for me, its still going to be hard for me to wake up in the morning and face all of them." She watched as the expression on his face changed slightly. The way he looked at her surprised her. It was as if he could look into her eyes and see the innards of her soul. "You've been so supportive...It's just that you can't shield me. I'm the one who ultimately must face them. Besides your support, their isn't really much else you can provide me."  
  
That hit him hard. Did she mean that she didn't want anything...romantic...from him? At all? He had wanted to believe so bad that she had experienced the same overwhelming electric sensation he had. Had she not?  
  
She watched as the expression changed on his face again. The tiny facial gestures that meant unhappiness. She didn't exactly know what she was trying to say to him. "No..."  
  
He looked up.  
  
"That's not true... I'm just so confused." She tried and corrected.  
  
"No... It's alright."  
  
"It's not... I can see that you are confused by me, also." Olivia began to notice that she was sitting only a few inches from him, her bare knees were almost touching his. She was filled with a slight nervousness, but at the same time, excitement.  
  
"This is a test... You're testing me!" Rimmer began, in a startlingly loud and harsh manner. "The moment I do something for you, things become so much harder...I try to protect you by telling the captain and nothing good came from that. I tried to defend you, but it made you run away. And then...and then I kissed you... and you want nothing to do with me."  
  
With that, tears began to stream from Olivia's eyelids. "No!" She sobbed. "It's not like that!"  
  
It didn't take him long to realize the damaging, hurtful implications of what he had just said. How could he have?! He stood up, abruptly, involuntarily tugging on his uniform material. "No! I didn't mean that. You shouldn't listen to me!"  
  
She took a deep breath. Her crying seemed to momentarily stop. She stepped up from the bunk so that she was at his level. She tried to keep back her sobs, but wasn't completely successful. They both stared at her for several moments.  
  
"I...I shouldn't blame anything on you..." Rimmer began.  
  
"I shouldn't conceal my feelings from you." Said Olivia.  
  
They both spoke as if not to even hear what the other was saying.  
  
"You did kiss me...I mean, you really kissed me." She remarked, with a long pause in the middle of the sentence. She was saying it more to herself than to him.  
  
"I don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable." He said softly, refusing to make eye contact.  
  
"It was unexpected... but it was...Amazing." She said very slowly, as if to carefully select each word.  
  
"Amazing?" He wasn't sure what to make of that, but it felt as if he was suddenly floating in mid-air.  
  
"Even with my memory back I can't remember an experience like that...It exposed so much. So personal...and magical." Olivia seemed unsure if what she was saying was appropriate or not, but was saying it anyway.  
  
Rimmer couldn't help but smile. All hope was not lost, after all.  
  
"Listen, I don't know what I am comfortable with. I'm still getting over just...being here."  
  
Rimmer nodded reassuringly. "You've been through so much. I wouldn't want to contribute any stress. You're very brave, Olivia."  
  
She smiled. He had gotten her to smile! It nearly filled his heart with childish laughter. She slowly leaned closer to him. He wasn't completely sure if he was just imagining her doing so, or if she was actually doing it. He could soon feel her soft lips gently pressed against his cheek, causing him to instantly blush. 


	2. Chapter 2

Rimmer laid on his bunk with a small smug file planted on his face. Lister slept less than soundly on the bunk above, noisily snoring, tossing and turning. Rimmer wasn't listening. He was just wondering how he was going to handle Olivia. How he was going to block his urges. It was like he was a baby, and she was a lollypop being waved in front of it's face. He would get a small lick and then it would be pulled away again. Was he really going to be able to take much more of this?  
  
Life just had to go on. Life was going to be quite strange. He was in a situation he just couldn't take seriously. After being on his own for so long with only Lister, the Cat and Kryten, with free roam of Red dwarf, it wasn't easy for him to go back to the old way of life. Life with structure. Structure slowly seemed to vanish from his schedule as the months alone went on. By the time Olivia had showed up, he was ready to just say "Screw it" to the old ways. Sure he didn't like Lister very much, and it was a degrading experience to be alone with only them, but it was better than this. Being looked down on by the entire ship once again. He felt like he shouldn't be here. Like he didn't belong. Things were never all that great before the radiation leak, but he had at least felt like he belonged somewhere. Like he was going somewhere, maybe even if he wasn't. He was no longer in such denial. He still wanted officerhood and success, but it had been temporarily put on hold. Put on hold for another human being. One he wasn't going to obtain.  
  
Rimmer slowly brushed his hand over his stubbly unshaven cheek. Her kiss kept him smiling through the night, despite his depressing thoughts.  
  
Rimmer yawned softly. He had just finished his shift. Lister had been more hung over than usual today, so Rimmer had a hell of a time pulling him through the day. Several times during the day, Lister handed him the wrong tools. He had not been able to pay attention to detail, which made things harder for them.  
  
For some reason, Rimmer felt more stressed out today than usual. It was as if something was bothering him just beyond his grasp, and he had no ways of fixing it. He let out a sigh, and walked towards the crew mess hall. Through the same generic gray corridors. It was as if this entire ship was designed just to depress the occupants at its blandness. Rimmer stared at the walls, Each ship issue screw screwed in exactly like the last. If you were to take out a ruler, they would be exactly the same distance apart. How was this ship even made? Who screwed all these screws in? Was it just some machine? Some machine that put absolutely no thought into the end product, only what it was designed to do.  
  
"Rimmer(" Someone caught his attention.  
  
Rimmer looked up from his mild sorrows at the man who had been calling his name.  
  
"Just the man I was looking for." the man smiled in an odd manner.  
  
"Officer Randall?" Rimmer was too confused to salute. Rimmer suddenly noticed who was addressing him, and began a sloppy solute.  
  
Before Rimmer could fully begin, something got in the way of his hand. It was Randall's hand.  
  
"No, Rimmer( you don't have to solute me." he said, trying to imply that he was on a friendship basis with Rimmer.  
  
Rimmer stood there with his mouth slightly open. "I don't?" Why was Officer George Randall talking to him? They had never really been formally introduced. When would they have been? He was only a technician, while Randall was one of the best navigation officers on the ship, and quite respected.  
  
Talking to Randall began to depress him. It reminded him of when all that mattered to him was success, which had been most of his life. He was still driven by the desire for success, but it was no longer his main focus. He wondered if he would ever try his astronavigation exam again.  
  
"Rimmer, the captain had requested I meet with you." the same friendly inflections remained in his voice.  
  
"Did he?" What was happening? Why would the captain want him to meet with Randall? A man who constantly reminded him of what he wasn't. Honorable. Respectable. A man like Randall didn't have to be talking to him, so why was he? Perhaps it was just some scheme to humiliate him. Rimmer's past flooded his memory. Suddenly, for some reason, all he wanted, more than anything, was success and officerhood. He was intoxicated with his desires, and would do anything to make them happen.  
  
"I was wondering if maybe you would like to join me in the officer's lounge for a drink?"  
  
Olivia sat in her quarters, observing the atmosphere. She had been living in it for a few weeks by now. It had been transformed slightly from the bland, generic sleeping quarters assigned to her, to her own room. One whose atmosphere was a reflection on herself. Little remnants of herself were scattered about. She had found some old postcards with pictures of earth around her time period, and had sloppily mounted them on the wall. They were a simple reminder of her home. The home she had forgotten for so long. The home she missed.  
  
She now had some belongings. When she arrived here, she had nothing but the tattered clothing she had been wearing (which she had kept in a small metal box in her closet). Now she had her uniform which hung from its hanger. She had some normal clothing. Some of which found on Starbug, some bought with her small salary on the ship. She had never been very organized, but with her small sleeping quarters and even smaller amount of positions, it was hard to lose track of things. Her clothing was messily tossed into her closet. She had her own light blue space corps towel hanging over the shower area. She had her small shampoo bottle, her soap and her conditioner. She had a brush and a small facial soap bar which was half way used up sitting by the sink. Inside her metallic drawers was a small amount of makeup she rarely used, most of which given to her by Kochanski, or found of Starbug.  
  
She looked around, thoroughly observing her surroundings, which she had seen hundreds of times already. How did she know this was really her? Hadn't she lost her memory for such a long time? If she had been restored to before she had lost her memory, before she had ever ended up here, would this room satisfy her? Was she always this simple a person? A person who could get by with such a small amount of positions? Her childish room had been full of stuff. An endless amount of stuff. Stuff she almost never used, but felt she needed. Where had it all come from? There was a story behind everything, even how small and mediocre. She knew something about every article of clothing, every picture, every item in her closet. They were all hers, and at the time she didn't feel like she could part with any of it without a replacement. She could give away her old clothing that no longer fit, but not without shopping again to find something new. She had such a large inventory, yet such a huge desire for more. Such a feeling of entitlement.  
  
It was as if she was given a fresh start. Even though she did technically live here, it didn't feel like home. None of her things felt like they were hers. She felt like she was wearing someone else's uniform, using someone else's towel, living in a place she didn't really belong in. She could remember how safe and protected she felt in her room at home on earth. She felt as if she was in a sanctuary, whereas she felt as if she was living in someone else's room now. Sure these were her things now. She owned them. She used them, yet she didn't feel any sort of posetion over them. They were just things she used, wore, borrowed. Not that she had any intention to give them back. Something didn't feel right about this place.  
  
She looked at the postcards. An orchard in California. A busy street in London. The Eiffel Tower in France. Even though the postcards only represented ideal interpretations taken by professional photographers of the certain scenes, they still reminded her of what she had taken for granted. When she had looked out her window as a child she saw her back yard. The grass her family never cared for, the small play set, which was taken down before she grew up, trees, a fence, and most importantly of all, a sky. A magnificent sky. A sky that changed with the weather, controlled by an atmosphere. Whenever she looked out the windows here, she saw blackness, and stars. Not the same seductive stars of earth, but little tiny stars that reminded her of loneliness and emptiness. It was as if she were trapped in eternal night, and every single window would remind her.  
  
An earth girl just couldn't get used to this. She missed sunlight, rain, nature, animals. A world outside this futuristic industrial world of humans. She had visited the britanical gardens on the ship, but they didn't feel the same. They felt like a masquerade of what she had remembered. A constant temperature was maintained throughout the entire thing, and there was no wind. It rained only at night after closing hours, to water each and every plant. It was only a garden in the ideal conditions, planted in perfection by some landscapers who had designed the ship, not a ancient forest that grew on its own on earth. It seemed that no one realized the beauty of nature. Nature that had not been effected by man.  
  
When she had originally arrived in this time period, she had been curious about the future, what had happened between when she was born and now. It no longer mattered to her, there may have been new inventions, and a new way of life, but the human race had not changed, only adapted. With the simplicity of earth gone forever, it seemed like no one could appreciate the simple things anymore. With every new invention, the inventors feel as if they have changed humanity for the better by making some aspect of life easier, but nothing truly changes. Humans adapt to the new invention, and become less and less connected to how humans originally evolved. Further and further away from their natural habitat and natural way of life. Being out in deep space seemed to be as far away (literally) as Olivia could imagine the human race. She soon became less and less surprised at every development. Everything she had known and loved as a child was taken away from her, yet she wasn't directly effected. She had experienced too much pain already to take in anymore, so she didn't. She just lived each day, yet didn't really live at all. She shielded herself from the world around her, refusing to believe it really existed. She could see that things were different, that she was disconnected from her past self, but didn't feel the longing and heartache of this discovery. She just simply kept on going. Kept going with such little reminders, and the only thing to truly make her happy was a single person. Maybe it was possible he had been acting as a replacement. A replacement of all the things that used to make her happy.  
  
Tomorrow she was to meet with the psychiatrist. How could she tell him all of that? Even if it were possible to verbally sum up every single negative feeling she felt about her current living situation, how would simply telling a trained professional help her? It wasn't as if it would make her feel better. She already knew what was bothering her, telling someone she didn't know wasn't going to help her. How could she walk in and face them tomorrow? She was the victim of some terrible occurrences, which inspired sympathy from some, but that didn't seem to change much.  
  
What it all came down to was that she just wasn't happy with what humanity had turned into. She wasn't happy that this humanity had been one who had nurtured the one person who haunted her. This was the humanity that offered him forgiveness for what he had done without question. This humanity was simply not able to accept her.  
  
Sure she missed her old way of life, but it wasn't as if it was pure either. Life was full of imperfections. And most of all, it wasn't fair, and she seemed to be the victim of all that wasn't fair. How was she supposed to cope? Why was she just expected to adapt? How could they possibly think that visiting a simple shrink would be a solution to anything? They didn't think. They never stopped and thought about the fact that maybe they weren't right, and maybe authority wasn't everything.  
  
The truth was, if she were to fit in here, she had to put up with it. She had made a promise to him. Little did either of them know at the time what such a promise would mean. The promise was very important to her, perhaps the only thing that truly kept her going. The only thing that made the whole thing worth living. She had promised him she would. That she wouldn't run away( escape. That she would adapt. What choice did she have? All she could do from this point on was get used to it. Something that wasn't going to happen on it's own.  
  
Olivia sat there. Tears beginning to stream from her eyes. They were unexpected, but failed to surprise her. All she could seem to do was sit there and cry. Cry for everything that wasn't right in the world. 


	3. Chapter 3

The colors were brighter, the whiskey tasted better, and the atmosphere was overall richer in the officer's club. He had only been in here once, and that had been an incredibly traumatizing experience for him, involving gazpacho soup, which he was doing his best to keep out of his mind. Even the chair that he sat on was much more comfortable than the generic steel of the ship.  
  
Rimmer and Randall sat across from each other, separated by an elegant glass coffee table. Rimmer felt like he was home. He had visited this place in his dreams. Smoked cigars, exchanged stories and jokes with the other officers. Of course, none of that had really happened, and now that he was here, he was less comfortable than he had felt in his dreams.  
  
"You see, Rimmer, we all feel that we've been a bit hard on you. It isn't easy to be a technician, we realize, and you are a damn fine technician." Said Randall.  
  
Rimmer could hardly believe what he was hearing. A complement from an actual officer! Was he really a damn fine technician? He was never late for work, and always put in his all. He made work schedules for everyone on his shift (even though they never seemed to follow them) and was generally a good leader to all the drunken fools. He was a damn fine technician! A smug smile aroused on Rimmer's lips. "Thank you, sir."  
  
"We were thinking of giving you the position as perhaps... an intern of some sort. Eligible for promotion. So you can get a feel for what it's like to be an officer." Randall smiled the same peculiar smile that he had been since he had met with Rimmer. A smile that implied fakeness and deceit.  
  
Rimmer didn't notice. All he could concentrate on was the offer put forth. He was ecstatic. It was what he had wanted to hear for his entire life! The words being said made him forget completely about the last few years of his life. He forgot all about the radiation leak, being stuck with everyone, gelfs, nanos, simulants, psirens... He even forgot about Olivia.  
  
Olivia stepped off the lift and walked in the direction of the office she was supposed to be at. She was late. She was going to walk into the room and immediately be informed she was late. This she knew. She didn't want to come on time. She wanted to come late and leave early and avoid any and all interactions. She paused outside the door for a moment. She couldn't be too late... Slowly she knocked, hoping she wouldn't be heard, but she was.  
  
"Come in!" She heard a muffled shout from inside.  
  
She took a deep breath and walked in the room. Her pupils were immediately startled by the colors in the room. Her eyes had adjusted to staring at the same colors for so long, that any actual color besides gray shocked her. This was not a gray room at all... it was pink! A pale, faded wallpaper pink, yes, but it was color. For some reason, the color seemed to lighten her up a little bit. She could feel some weight being lifted off her shoulders.  
  
The other features of the room soon came into focus as well. A large wooden desk, a metal chair, a plant that was most likely fake sitting in the corner of the room, a gray file cabinet, matching the gray of the rest of the ship, and a window. She hated the window. Just seeing it, and looking back out at the eternal night, made her stressed out once again.  
  
Finally, she noticed who occupied the room with her. It was a small woman with frizzy blonde hair. She was wearing a beige uniform like the rest of the crew. She had large glasses taking up most of her face, and generally looked rather dorky and out of place.  
  
"You must be Olivia Angel-dish." the woman stated, clearly mispronouncing her last name. Olivia didn't bother to correct it. She didn't exactly plan on becoming friends with this woman. "Sit down, make yourself comfortable."  
  
Olivia did as told and sat down on the metal chair, unable to be comfortable as the cold steel hit her bones.  
  
"I'm Doctor Brown. I'm not normally she ship's psychologist, but the Captain asked me specifically to meet with you." Her voice was soft and non threatening.  
  
Olivia sat there, taking it all in.  
  
Dr. Brown paused, waiting for Olivia to say something, but she never filled in that pause. "So, is there anything you can tell me about yourself? All I know is some of the details from your court case. It all sounds very interesting, but we should probably save that for later. What type of things are you interested in?" She rambled  
  
Olivia sat there for a moment, pondering the question. What was she interested in? How could such a simple question be so difficult? How was she supposed to answer? She hadn't done anything she was interested in since she had been on earth, and she couldn't very well say any of them to this woman. There was only one thing she could think to say. "I... like to read." She mumbled.  
  
"Really? How wonderful. I happen to enjoy a good novel myself every once and awhile! What authors do you like?"  
  
Olivia once again spaced out. She had just read whatever she could find on Starbug, not paying much attention to what they were. Olivia did the best she could to come up with some famous authors from her time.  
  
Dr. Brown stared blankly. Clearly she hadn't heard of any of them. "Oh... Are they relatively new authors? I don't believe I've ever heard of them."  
  
Olivia signed. Of course she hadn't. Probably no one had. She was from the past. That wasn't going to change. "Uhhh... yeah. They're new." Olivia lied, emotion drained from her voice. Clearly this was going to be a degrading session.  
  
After a few hours, three cigars and four glasses of champagne, any sign of suspicion had vanished from Rimmer's mind. He was able to stutter out a witty sentence every once and awhile, but mostly he was just laughing at things other Officers were saying and providing an "Indeed" or "Yes, that's right" to everyone's statement. The only thing that even started to break him from this trance was Todhunter.  
  
He came through the doors with a big smile on his face. He and Rimmer soon made eye contact, stopping Rimmer in the middle of a "Yes indeed". This eye contact was soon broken as Todhunter walked over to Randall and whispered something. Rimmer hardly paid attention. Todhunter reminded him once again of Olivia's existence. Maybe she'd like it here. Maybe being in the presence of greatness would make her more comfortable. He couldn't wait to tell her the good news about the internship he was given!  
  
Olivia treaded down the hallways, her pant legs dragging on the floor because she didn't bother to lift her feet above the ground more than a few mere inches. Her mind hurt from the past hour of conversation. The session had turned out much worse than she ever could have expected. She had initially been afraid to tell her feeling to a stranger, but no feelings were shared, only pointless opinions about things she couldn't have cared less about. Sports she had never heard of before, Soap Operas she had never heard of and would never watch... Sure the lady was just trying to be friendly, but this was just too much! She had no idea just how shallow the human race could be. She needed some intelligent conversation before her mind rotted!  
  
She didn't know where she would be able to find that, but decided to go to Rimmer's quarters. She didn't exactly count on any conversation between them to be intelligent, but she figured it would be nice to talk about something else besides sports, books, food and television shows. It would also be nice to try and make things a little less awkward between them since he was still the only one she could really rely on for companionship.  
  
She entered the quarters, not bothering to knock, but simply just by pushing the button to open the door. She couldn't have imagined that Rimmer would be opposed to seeing her. As the doors slid open, it was soon brought to her attention that he was not here. Instead, there sat Lister, cradling his guitar. His head jolted up. Olivia had completely forgotten about Lister.  
  
"You ever heard of knocking?" Lister smiled, jokingly.  
  
"Sorry... I was just expecting... never mind."  
  
"Rimmer." Lister stated the obvious.  
  
"Well yeah." She looked down at the ground.  
  
"That's ok, Olivia. I think I know what's going on between you guys, and frankly it's none of my business, and I don't want to get in the way-" Lister began, before he was interrupted.  
  
"In the way of what? There's nothing going on. Not really anyway. I don't know what you know, Lister, but I'm not ready for anything to happen... with anyone!" She defended herself.  
  
Lister nodded. "I see." He seemed sincere. "Well Rimmer isn't here as you may have noticed."  
  
Olivia signed. "Oh well... I just wanted a bit of intelligent... I mean... regular conversation."  
  
Lister laughed, catching on to why Olivia had corrected herself. "Yeah, I know the feeling. Well, he may not be 'ere, but I am. I wouldn't mind some company. I could play you a song."  
  
"That guitar only has 2 strings. I can't exactly think of anything you could play with them." said Olivia, stepping in the doorway, and sitting down on a chair. She might as well stay awhile.  
  
"That's never stopped me before." he smiled, as he began to strum on them.  
  
Olivia cringed. "I can see why you keep that around, probably drives Rimmer apeshit."  
  
"Apeshit?"  
  
Olivia let out a long sigh. "I miss my old slang that I used to use with my friends. Everyone speaks all technical here."  
  
"I don't speak technical. Not many technicalities come along with being a third technician, ya know." He replied.  
  
"No, I guess they wouldn't. It's rather relieving, too." With that, Olivia dropped down onto Rimmer's bed and rested her head on the pillow, ruining the finely made sheets.  
  
Lister jumped down from his bunk and sat down on a chair on the adjacent side of the room so he could face her.  
  
"Things are so different here. People look at me differently when I speak because obviously there is something different about it and they can't exactly figure out what it is. I try not to make a reference to anything they wouldn't know about, and just make myself fit in, but it's hard. Especially with this therapist! So far all she can talk about are sports and TV shows I've never heard of, and all I can do is just nod and agree with what she says." She rambled, without ever making eye contact at Lister. She was looking around the wall of the bunk at Rimmer's long service metals and swimming certificates, and newspaper clippings that were clearly not about him. Obviously Rimmer was into fooling people into thinking he was something he was not. Olivia couldn't exactly blame him, that was all she was doing, too.  
  
"I guess I know what that's like. I wasn't exactly raised very wealthy or well off, so I was always a bit different, too." Lister tried to sympathize.  
  
"I miss Earth. I miss it so much! I never thought this would ever happen to the human race. Frankly it's more than I can take." Olivia still didn't look away from the walls of the bunk. Now she was checking out the rifles mounted on the walls.  
  
"All I ever wanted was to get back to Earth." Lister looked down at his lap, remembering his dreams and desires before the radiation leak.  
  
"I wanted to just stay in AR, Lister... I really did."  
  
"So, I hope you don't mind me asking, but if that was the case, then why did you ever come out?" Lister pondered.  
  
"Rimmer wanted me to."  
  
"That's all?"  
  
"I guess you wouldn't understand."  
  
"Well it is a bit hard to understand... that he was your only reason and all. He used to be the reason I hid out in the AR machines all day back before you came along."  
  
"I know he gets on your nerves. I can tell. He gets on mine a little bit, too. It just means so much to me that he cared about me so much, and did all that he did for me."  
  
"Ye', that was a bit out of character."  
  
"I kind of wonder if it was worth it to stay... but then I remember that we... never mind." Olivia was about to tell about their kiss, but didn't really want to give it away to Lister. 


	4. Chapter 4

During the next few days, Olivia kept finding herself being drawn down to Rimmer and Lister's quarters at times where she knew Rimmer wouldn't be there. Lister would always greet her kindly, and they'd sit down and talk. Mostly about their childhoods on Earth. Olivia told Lister all about her high school in Seattle, her friends, her neighborhood, her family. These were things she had never really gotten a chance to tell anyone about. Things that for the longest time she couldn't remember, but now she was making sure she wouldn't forget.  
  
Lister told her all about his life as well. Even though Earth was polluted and overcrowded, and almost all of it's natural recourses had been used and abused by man, just the thought of her home planet was a comfort to her. This was something they both shared, and could talk to each other about. No one else seemed to understand why it was so appealing, but hardly anyone else on the entire ship was from Earth. Several people had been there or lived there at rather bad points in their careers, but none of them knew what it was like. Lister didn't even know what it was like for Olivia. At a time where Earth held the entire human race except for a few astronauts scattered about, but even those people were from Earth. Earth was everybody's home. Now it was everybody's garbage dump.  
  
"Ever since I joined the Space Corps I've always been tryin' to get back to Earth." Said Lister, laying out on Rimmer's bunk next to Olivia, who was laying the opposite direction.  
  
Olivia flipped through a few of Lister's polaroids, admiring the badly aimed shots of Lister on Earth in his early adulthood.  
  
Lister reached over to the drawer under the table, struggling to not fall off the bunk in the process, and grabbed his picture of Fiji clipped from a magazine and handed it to her.  
  
"What ever stopped you?" She inquired, while staring at the seductive picture. It looked like a beautiful place. A place she had always wanted to go to.  
  
"Stopped me? I'm still tryin'!"  
  
Olivia raised an eyebrow. "You are?"  
  
"Well... as much as I can be. You see that photo... that was my dream."  
  
"To live in Fiji?"  
  
"Well ye', but not just that." Lister reached over again and pulled out 2 more photos. One of them was a picture of him in his quarters holding a small black cat, the other was a wallet size photo of Kristine Kochanski.  
  
"Well I always knew you had a thing for Kris..."  
  
"No, not just 'a thing'... She was part of my plan. I was supposed to move to Fiji with her and my cat, and we'd live together and grow old together. I love her."  
  
Olivia laid there a moment thinking about it. The dream seemed rather simple and immature. It was such a romantic, crazy idea. It seemed completely ridiculous, yet completely ideal at the same time.  
  
Just at that moment Rimmer came barging in the door. The last thing he expected was to see Olivia and Lister on his bed together. "Lister! What are you doing!" he shouted.  
  
"Calm down, man, we're just talking." Said Lister in the least guilty voice he could muster. He then got up from his comfortable position and sat down on the edge.  
  
Olivia got up too, feeling nervous. Something didn't seem the same about him. He had yelled and made it seem like Lister was raping her.  
  
Rimmer's face was a shade of pink. His teeth grunted as he searched for something to say. "Why... why... Why would Olivia possibly want to talk to you?"  
  
Olivia felt a little offended.  
  
"Hey, man... we were just talking about Earth stuff. Things you wouldn't know about."  
  
Rimmer looked over at Olivia's worried face. "Earth stuff? Why didn't you say so! I know tons of Earth stuff! You could have talked to me about it, dear."  
  
Both Lister and Olivia looked confused. Rimmer had never called her "dear" before.  
  
Rimmer didn't pay attention to their looks. "Oh Olivia, I want to tell you the good news! You simply will not believe it."  
  
Olivia stared at Lister, trying to figure out a way to respond.  
  
Rimmer ignored the fact that she hadn't responded and continued. "I've spent the last couple days in the Officers Club!"  
  
Lister let out a laugh "What, did they run out of fun size crunchy bars?" he joked.  
  
Rimmer snared at him. "I don't have to deal with this. As a matter of fact, I've landed myself quite the position amongst the officers." He focused his attention back to Olivia. "It's simply wonderful in there. You really should join me sometime, darling." Rimmer emphasized the last word as to savor every single letter.  
  
"The Officers Club?" Olivia questioned, unsurely.  
  
Rimmer ignored her. "Well, I just stopped by to fetch my nice tie." Rimmer opened up the closet and pulled it off the rack. "Well, I'm off." He leaned down and kissed Olivia on the cheek and exited the room, standing tall.  
  
Both Lister and Olivia looked at each other as the door squeaked shut.  
  
"What just happened?" Asked Olivia, feeling rather scared.  
  
"I didn't think you two were an item." Apparently that was all Lister could focus on. "I thought you told me you weren't."  
  
"We... aren't." Said Olivia. She fell back onto the bunk. "What happened to him? Something changed!"  
  
"Changed? Rimmer's always like that."  
  
Olivia looked up at him, not knowing what to say. He had never been that way to her, and she was scared. Maybe that was how he had acted around Lister, but he had never acted that was around her. He had always been sweet and gentle and modest. What if that was really the person he was, and he had just been fooling her the entire time? It couldn't be. He couldn't possibly be the one who visited her in the Medibay just to make sure she was ok, who defended her in her court hearing against the man she feared the most. He couldn't have been the one she had shared her most passionate kiss with.  
  
Later that day Olivia stood in front of the mirror in her quarters, admiring herself in a way she hadn't in a long time. Her hair was done, and she was wearing some of Kris's nice clothes and makeup. She wasn't completely satisfied with the way she looked. She wasn't very satisfied with a lot of things. She was really surprised she was actually going through with this, but Rimmer meant a lot to her, and she really wanted to win him back. She had decided to go with him to the officers Club.  
  
She was rather concerned with where this sudden change in attitude came from. She didn't really want to admit it, but up until now, since they had started becoming close, he had been much more focused on her than any career goals. Now she had hardly spoken to him in days, and despite what Lister said, these changes seemed really out of character. What could have caused them? And so suddenly! Something seemed to be up.  
  
Kristine obviously had a much more feminine figure than Olivia, because these clothes hung on her weird. They made Kris look wonderful, yet she still looked rather flat and dull. She also looked a lot more immature than Kris. She had to cuff the bottom of the trousers because Kris was so much taller than her, and she wobbled when she walked in her platforms. Kris was obviously much better at being a woman than her. Especially now. Back on Earth she had no problem being feminine.  
  
"What were you guys talking about anyway?" Rimmer was irritated once again. He stood in front of the mirror, struggling to put on his tie properly.  
  
"I already told ya, man, Earth stuff!" Lister tried to defend himself. This was getting old, Rimmer wouldn't stop bothering him about talking to Olivia. He seemed so weird about them being on the bunk together, even when all they were doing was just talking and looking at pictures.  
  
"What kind of Earth stuff?" Rimmer curiously shot back at him, which not taking his eyes off his reflection.  
  
"What's all this about, man? Ya' haven't left me alone about it!" Lister was beginning to get really irritated.  
  
"Look, Lister, she's my girlfriend! You leave her alone!" Rimmer proclaimed, overconfidently.  
  
"She's your what?!" Shouted Lister in disbelief.  
  
"Jealous, are we, Listy?" Rimmer smugly smiled.  
  
Lister began to laugh furiously. "Girlfriend!? Olivia? YOUR GIRLFRIEND?!" he could barely contain himself.  
  
Rimmer continued to focus all his attention to his tie. "Listy Listy Listy..." he began in his most smug proud tone of voice. "You may be laughing now, but wait until tonight. Olivia is joining me in the Officers Club. And after that... who knows." he said provocatively with a wink.  
  
Lister had a bad feeling about this.  
  
There was a soft knock at the door that jolted Olivia. She was nervous. This jolt almost made her drop the earring she was attempting to stuff in her ear. It was useless, her holes had already closed up since she hadn't warn earrings in so long. She set Kristine's gold hoop back on the counted. "Open!" She shouted.  
  
There stood Rimmer in the doorway, as expected. He had a big smile on his face.  
  
"I'm just about ready." She mumbled, She looked around for anything to waste her time doing. She wanted any kind of excuse to keep her from getting there. She hadn't really been a people person at all. She only talked to a few people at her job, and Rimmer and Lister. Everyone else seemed to ignore her presence. She really didn't like the idea of going to the Officers Club with him. Going to a place where she knew she wouldn't fit in.  
  
Due to Rimmer's recent changes, Olivia no longer felt safe around him like she usually did. Instead she felt nervous. Since he obviously was hanging around with the finest people on the ship, she now felt like there were standards being put upon her. She couldn't tell if Rimmer was judging her or not. If he still even felt the same way about her he had previously. If so, he wasn't showing it. Instead he was giving her pet names and impersonal kisses on the cheek.  
  
To make her even less at ease, Rimmer began to ramble. "I just simply can't wait to introduce you to Officer Randall! He's a hoot! You won't believe the quality of the cigars in the machine, it feels like I'm smoking pure ambrosia! And the champagne! It's like running water!"  
  
Olivia didn't smoke or drink... anymore. Did he expect her to? That made her feel even more nervous. She simply couldn't find anything else that she could do to her appearance. She had to go with him now, there was no way to waste any more time. "Well... I'm ready." That was a lie.  
  
Rimmer reached for her arm, ignoring any hints at her nervousness. He was in his own uninterruptible world and there was nothing she could do about it. She noticed as they were walking to the lift that it felt like he was ignoring her. Like he was in a trance, and wasn't acknowledging her existence. Everything he had said so far had mostly been aimed at himself. Could the thought of officerhood and success really have this great of an effect on him? It obviously seemed like it was much more important to him than she was.  
  
Rimmer continued to ramble during the walk. Olivia simply walked beside him, trying not to trip or wobble in her heals. He hadn't said anything to her this entire time. Nothing directly to her, just random things about how wonderful the Officers Club was. It must have been great.  
  
The two of them stepped through the doorway. Bright colors filled Olivia's eyes. This place was clearly more sophisticated than the rest of the ship. She could understand why it had captivated him. So far, it hadn't captivated her, though. A few officers, all in nice clothing, were lounging around with cigars and glasses of wine.  
  
"Ah, Rimmer!" Said a fairly tall man with nicely combed blonde hair.  
  
Rimmer did a quick solute, standing tall. "Hello Officer Randall. This is miss Angeledis, my girlfriend."  
  
Olivia's eyes widened for a moment. Was he telling these people she was his girlfriend? She was slightly flattered for a moment, but them remembered their conversation earlier that week. She thought she had made it clear to him that she wasn't ready for that, and didn't know when she would be. She needed time to adjust before starting a relationship with him. At the time she had wanted to, but now, she wasn't sure anymore. He had just introduced her to them as something she wasn't, and she couldn't very well embarrass him by correcting it. "Hello." She said nervously.  
  
"Olivia Angeledis." Said Randall, in a rather curious tone. It sounded like he knew her from somewhere. He reached out and took her hand, and like a gentleman, kissed it.  
  
He then offered them both a drink. Olivia politely refused. Rimmer ordered "the usual". They both sat down on one of the nice couches. Rimmer quickly and rather awkwardly put his arm around her. Olivia didn't know how to sit. She couldn't have looked relaxed if she had tried. They could all probably sense how nervous and upset she was.  
  
Rimmer was soon handed a glass of wine and a cigar. Randall tossed him a metal lighter, and he lit it, soon puffing smoke into Olivia's face. She tried not to squint, but she hated the smell. He tossed the lighter back, and leaned back and crossed his legs and took a long deep breath. A few other officers came to join and sat around couches and armchairs around a glass coffee table. They all began to chat casually. Rimmer did the usual of providing a supporting comment every now and then.  
  
Olivia could recognize some of these people as the ones assigned as a jury on her court case. She felt as if they were all staring at her judgingly. It had been their gazes, along with Todhunter's that had made her run from the room. This was a little bit too much for her to take. Especially now that they thought that she was Rimmer's girlfriend. They'd probably never believe what happened now.  
  
Just then, the worst thing that possibly could have happened did. The tall glass doors swung open and Todhunter entered the room. Olivia's heart rate instantly shot up. He crossed over, casually saying hello to people as he walked by. He came closer and closer to their little gathering. Soon, he was standing next to Randall, whispering something in his ear. Randall nodded, and they both glared over at Olivia.  
  
"Rimmer!" She whispered.  
  
He looked over at her, without responding.  
  
"He's here!" She tried to remain as quite as she could so that no one else would hear her, but it was difficult hiding her fear.  
  
"Who?" He said a little overly loudly, attracting attention.  
  
Olivia looked around nervously, making sure not too many people were paying attention to them. She gestured towards Todhunter.  
  
"Oh, Officer Todhunter. How do you do?" he said loudly, greeting him.  
  
Olivia was astonished. It was as if he had forgotten about everything! She just couldn't stand to be here any longer. She quickly got up and walked out of the room. She waited until she was out the glass doors to start crying. Not just about Todhunter being there, but also losing Rimmer. He didn't care about her anymore. Something dramatic had happened to change him. He was obviously so weak and easily manipulated that the thought of success would erase all the time they had together and make him a total idiot.  
  
She could sense that something was up. He wasn't really supposed to be there. What was going on? Why were they all of a sudden treating him like he was one of them? Shouldn't these people hate him because of her? Now it seemed like he and Todhunter were good friends! How could that be? She knew the only one she could talk to now was Lister.  
  
"I want to get out of here." Olivia stated., wiping the tears from her eyes.  
  
"What, why?" Asked Lister, quickly scurrying around to find something she could wipe her face on. Something preferably not covered in curry.  
  
"I don't want to be here anymore. Not when he's changed so much. There's no reason for me to stay anymore. He was my reason, and now he's abandoned me!"  
  
"Are you sure? Maybe you should just give him some time." Lister sounded a lot more rational than usual.  
  
Olivia began to sob harder. "I just want to go home!" 


End file.
